How I Learned to Live Without My Best Friend

I really believed in the magic word “Friendship never dies”, until my best friend died of a heart attack. By the time I received the devastating news, my heart was broken into a million pieces. Now all I can take is that friendship dies, or is so beautiful and so great because in the end all good things end, no matter what.

Yet the things that have never faded are the memories of longing we had together and the last feeling of unwavering loyalty, the infinite amount of love, and, of course, my grief for her.

For those who have left half of their souls on the day they lost a loved one, whether it was your grandmother who used to tell you many people before bed or your best friend since childhood, working a new life without someone's light is scary at first, much to say is impossible. But I went through the most difficult time after the death of my best friend and now I understand why Nelson Mandela once said "It seems impossible until it's done" - Nothing is impossible.

Time eliminates pain. At the same time, it deepens memories of precious experiences and allows them to be etched in one's memory forever.

The first day I got home after his funeral, I didn’t say a word and pretended everything was fine outside. But inside, the emotional storm has taken its toll on me. Memories flooded my mind and images of her flooded the area. I felt lost. I felt worthless. And most of all, I felt a longing for the consequences of losing my best friend who never knew me inside and who would always support me when I needed help. She was more like a sister to me than a friend.

He was 20 years old, two months before his birthday when his heart attack took its toll. She was too young to be deprived of the right to life and to do things, even those who are crazy would like to get a book tattoo on her forehead or die for her hair mint color.

I still remember her humorous voice when we spoke on the phone a week before she passed away, asking me what gift she should give her boyfriend for his upcoming birthday. I remember the times when he was very busy with his exams but did some magical moments to help me with my presentations via Skype as he was studying in Australia. His last notes are still on my phone, reminding me not to forget our meeting on Saturday afternoon (two days after his death). And now as it seems bitter, I will never be able to hold that meeting and see him and discuss with him the next chapter of my story.

No one is immortal in death, I understand. His journey to this earth has come to an abrupt end. But his desire and his good deeds will always remain. He, unlike me or any other living person, should lie down forever and leave his future behind while I should continue to live a life without him.

I have tried many ways to deal with pain, especially forcing myself to learn, work with new social networks. My life changed dramatically after the death of my best friend. It was hard at first that I almost wanted to quit, sit on my coconut and grieve over his death. Then I realized that no tragedy could bring her back, and the fact that she was gone forever had never been more real.

Now I find myself embracing a whole new place, having more relationships with the community, working harder and valuing everything in my life more than I can imagine. Even though my heart aches sometimes when the previous event just came back to my head or when I come across something that reminds me of him, I no longer feel bad every time I think of him or the past that is in him.

I live boldly, both myself and the departed one, with the intention of knowing that he will do the same while he is still alive.

I have many good friends since then. However, there is only one thing I can no longer touch or feel with other people no matter how good our relationships are - that is the feeling of closeness I once had with my late friend. Theoretically, our friendship has deteriorated since the day he left. But mentally, the greatest amount of love, gratitude, loyalty, honesty and respect that builds our friendship, will never die.

So to everyone outside, please keep everything you have while you still have it. When it is gone or lost, not everything will come back to you and the reality of life without it is not promising at all.